Just days earlier he said:
Oh dear.
"My mom said if I EVER saw you again that she would kill me and you."
Not good.
Wow.
WHAT IS HE THINKING?!
Then again I can somewhat see his point. He is not use to having to keep things from his mom and I guess that should be considered a good thing. Right? Only now I'm sure that once she knows, considering he actually does love me like he so desperately claims, his happiness will be ruined and he will be forbidden to see me. The only thing bad about this part is the fact that he can be torn away from me. This time he doesn't have something that he feels the need to cling to. I will lose him. Again.
I'm probably crazy for even being all upset over losing the guy who actually blew me off today. Hmmm. So that's why I never got that call, but of course I must spare him. I know he needed time to think and I did make it clear that from here on out he will follow through with things when he says he will and he will not ignore me like he proceeded to all day, hence the reason he was not responding to my txts. He openly admitted that too and I was more than just a little ticked.
I made it painfully obvious that I would NOT be treated that way again and if he intended on being with me then things WOULD be different. His response?
"Yes Ma'am."
He was no doubt mocking me but I'll let it slide. I bet he was probably humiliated, but he needs to learn, and learn fast, that I'm not the girl I use to be. And more importantly, I'm in desperate need of a real relationship. One where I WILL be treated with respect and more importantly that I will be loved as close to unconditionally as possible at my age?
Could I be asking too much? Probably. But I only get one shot at 16. Might as well hope for the best and wish for even better. Everything happens for a reason.
But I do love him. And I cannot deny the fact that even after just days of letting him back into my life, I am absolutely terrified of losing him. He can't know this though. I can't let him have that power over me this early into our relationship. This sounds more like war, but someone once told me that love is war. It made sense at the time.
"Love is like war; very easy to begin but very very hard to stop. And all is fair in both."
1 comment:
Before I even start let me just say that I've been where you are - too many times to count actually. I was once desperately (or so I thought) in love with a guy and I thought that we would really 'make it' because we were SO in love. Um yeah come to find out he was and still is to this day a complete ASS and I'm so glad now that I grew up and moved away. At 16 or any age really it's NEVER good to be desperate about ANY guy.
Do yourself a favor and remember that what you think is important now will NOT be the same things that are important to you after you graduate. The people that are your friends now probably won't be then and you will realize that life after high school is SO different. Just don't let ANY guy whether he be 16 or 30 have control over your emotions. Don't mean to sound preachy but I really have been there before and it's not worth it.
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