Sitting and Waiting

Tuesday Morning. Well it was morning. It's almost 2 now and I regret to inform that my plans for today have probably been canceled considering the object of my prolonged obsession has not yet txt me back. I can't help, but wonder why. I assume it could possibly have something to do with the simple argument that happened last night and his broken promise to call me back. It wasn't even much of an argument. Simply a realization on my part, but I guess he didn't take too kindly to it.

It's been a year and a half since we've been together. I told him this. Then I continued by saying that I thought, perhaps, now that we're back together, I might regain that perfect picture I held onto for that year we were together. The one of marriage straight out of high school, a simple honeymoon, and the freedom I've longed for for as long as I can remember. That was my perfect picture. The wedding was set for July 13 2008. It would've been our 4 year anniversary, had we stayed together that long, and had the Capulet's and Montague's, namely our parents, not torn us apart. Who knows what would've happened.

I told his it had been almost 2 years since we had had a real relationship and that, no matter how badly I wanted that perfect picture back, it wasn't right of me to just expect it back. His dreams and expectations might have changed since then. He might not want those things anymore. In fact, I'm almost positive that he doesn't considering his decision to enlist. He has more important responsibilities now. He can't focus all his attention on me anymore and I'm okay with that. After I had finished explaining that I didn't expect that perfect picture from anymore, because both of our desires and expectations of life, and what we want from life had changed he simply said he needed to go think and that he would call me back later. He hung up without saying he loved me; not that I need him to say it because I know its true. It's the one thing I've always believed, but hearing the phone click did kind of hurt. Probably because, after longing to hear it for over a year, that need, that place in my soul is eager to be filled.

I did expect him to call back, but finally I fell asleep waiting. To be honest I'm kind of frightened.

Rewind two years and fit last night's situation and conversation into any one of the given nights where we were talking quietly behind our parents backs' and I would know exactly his need for going. He would've been upset that I could so easily shrug off our plans for the rest of our lives. He would be hurt that I could give up so easily. He would be rethinking whether or not this, us being together, would be the right decision. But its awkwardly shattered into two parts that don't fit together. Thats what he would've been thinking then and I'm worried that he hasn't changed as much as I thought. Maybe thats the same reason for him excusing himself last night, but here's the difference;; here's how they don't fit together. Back then, he never would've left because I was all he had in his life. Now, now is different. Our meeting has only happened recently. It would be easy enough to forget on his part, I'm sure of it. The same exact cause, two years apart, with two completely different effects.

What am I to do?

Sitting and waiting appears to be my only option.